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What You Want is Not Here

Back in my day, when whippersnapper's wandered around on my property and got lost, they would tough it out. Young'uns with their bb guns shot them damgumb squirrels and rub sticks together to start a fire. You just knowed they was gunna git into more trouble than they could handle. Then we'd get on the horn, ring up Peggy Sue to patch through to their mommas. In less than 10 minutes their angry dad would be there with an anklestrap to tarnaite their hides...bet them young'uns thought twice before getting lost again.

What you want ain't here. Just look at dat der fancy directory to the left and you just might find what you were looking for...But stay on my property much longer I might take an anklestrap to you mahself.