What To Do If You Are A Victim Of Emotional Abuse?

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Legally - NOTHING. Practically - there are a few options open to you.

Do you want to stay in the relationship? This really is your call and your choice. You may choose to be miserable and stay in this situation out of fear. You might lie to yourself and think it will get better if you show him/her more love and give more of yourself to them. You keep telling yourself that true love means you accept people unconditionally. You will also lose your sense of self, your dreams, your hopes, your self-esteem and could also lose your life. However, this is your call. No one can make this decision for you. Unless the abuser sees the need for help, they won't get better but will only get worse, especially if you enable their behavior.

Should you decide to stay, you will have to resign yourself to walk on eggshells for the rest of your life, treat him/her like a god, be okay with whatever they do, submit to anything they dump on you, forget about whatever it is you want because it will interfere with what they want from you.

If you want an end to the abuse, you must leave. You may choose a seperation or a divorce or just plain walk out and not leave a forwarding address. However you want it to play out, you must make the first move.

He/she will never see the need to change as long as you are there accepting their behavior. Even if you do leave, don't expect that will be THE wake up call that will make them be the loving partner you dreamed of. Chances are great they may get worse. Unfortunately, if you are married to them they have the legal right to make your life a living hell as long as they don't lay their hands on you, make a specific threat, or create a public disturbance. Many emotional/verbal abusers are slick and know this and will skirt the law in a campaign of terror against you for leaving them.

Whatever you do, don't stoop to their level, especially if you have children and custody issues will come up. You want to prove to the court that you have taken the moral high road. If you can document such behavior on the part of your mate and you have been above reproach, chances are good you will get sole custody. Do not let their tirades provoke you into violence. That is what they want! If you ignore them and treat them as if they were a crazy total stranger, they will become unglued and will probably cross the line and you will then have grounds for the law to interfere.

If you cannot afford a divorce, try a do-it-yourself approach and fill out the forms yourself, pay the filing fee with your local court, and let them serve him/her with the papers. If it is allowable in your area, specify whether you want him/her to leave your home upon being served the papers or if you intend to leave. If you file an uncontested, no fault/default divorce and you make the terms of the divorce as fair as possible, even if it means you end up with less, he/she may be likely to sign the papers and leave you alone.

If children are involved, never bad mouth the other parent. It will come back to bite you. If you can't say anything nice about them, don't say anything at all. Let your children discover how they really are on their own terms.

You will not get a restraining order unless there is also physical abuse or the threat of physical abuse. Resign yourself to the fact that he/she can legally come around and abuse you until a divorce is finalized. Once you serve him/her with papers, document ALL inappropriate behavior. This will be in your favor if you have to make a final appearance before the judge.

• Have 911 and domestic abuse help phone numbers on speed dial.
• Make friends with your neighbors and tell them EVERYTHING.
• Have at least three escape plans.
• Learn some form of self defense.
• Don't be afraid to SCREAM HELP!!!

If you don't have children, the easiest thing for you to do is to pick up and leave. Don't tell him/her where you are going. Leave town and start all over. You may not have a lot of money and may have to be homeless for awhile, but it doesn't have to be forever. Don't tell very many people where you are hiding, but do keep in touch with them to see if things have cleared up enough for you to come back.

You could also ask to move in with family or friends who will NOT put up with his/her crap.

You could try a shelter for domestic abuse, but don't be surprised if you are turned away if they are filled up and you are ONLY suffering emotional abuse.

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