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Potty Humor

The Friendly Witch Doctor

Before you ask, no, I am not a doctor nor do I play one on television. I just find the topic fascinating and I love to do research. As you will see, I am backing things up with references to actual professional opinions. Now that you have read this far, remember, I am not a doctor so any advice, diagnosis or treatment should be done only by a professional. If you have any concerns, make an appointment with your doctor.

We all do it. Some of us are more forward talking about it than others. For many it is something uneasy to talk about, even to the doctor. So as a guideline, the information presented is to give you an idea of what is going on with your works. As always, if you have a concern, make an appointment with your doctor.

When if comes to urine or feces, the role of water is a major contributor of what comes out. The foods we eat are also a factor. Aside from food and drink, other colors can be a result of a bacteria, virus, fungus, menstruation, hemorrhoids, and structural changes.

As a general rule, it takes 6-8 hours for what you eat to turn into poop (Picco, 2012). Factors such as the amount of what one eats or drinks or if there is an illness going on can speed that timeframe or slow it down. Some with constipation might even keep it at home for a day or two. Any longer it should be followed up with your doctor.

The bladder can hold up to 2 cups of water for up to 5 hours (Live Science, 2012). What we eat and drink is also factor in the color of urine.

Farts and Belches are Funny

Everyone farts and burps. Some act as if they are above this particular body function, but our bodies cannot function without it. It is embarrassing for many people to talk about or even admit when they let one loose.

Farts are caused by trapped air (Stearn, 2011), which can come from many sources. Some air is caused by gas seeping into our intestines from our blood, and some gas is produced by chemical reactions in our intestines or bacteria.

The reason for the gas is usually about the fermentation process of breaking down carbons and other materials which cannot be fully digested. If the gas builds up before leaving the stomach, it comes out as a belch. If it forms lower, it becomes a fart.

Farts are composed of about 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane and 4% oxygen(Gastrointestinal Society, 2016).

A Note on Vomit

Like urine and feces, it is a collection of fluid, dead cells, and what has been eaten. Generally, barf comes in yellow, yellowish-green, pinkish, orange, and red (Cormack, 1854).

The obvious pinkish one is easy to explain. Food which has not yet been digested. The partially digestive food makes a journey for a return trip. Mixed in with the food is a concoction of stomach acids, mucus, and dead cells. As the chunks come up, it is coated with stomach acid which irritate the throat and mouth. [And if you are bulimic, this is why teeth are destroyed when one vomits too much.

When there is no food or too little food in the stomach, the bile can seep backwards into the stomach. Bile normally breaks down food coming in from the stomach. By nature bile is a yellowish-green fluid. If no food has been consumed, the vomit comes up yellow-green.

Brown vomit is caused by intestinal problems creeping into the stomach; caused by a fully packed intestinal tract.

Most cases of vomiting are a one-off thing caused by eating too fast or triggering a vomit response from the back of the throat. Other cases are more serious which point to the flu or food poisoning.

Ohhh That Smell, Can't You Smell That Smell?

Normally, urine that contains a lot of water has little to no odor (Mayo Clinic, 2014). If your pee has been retained or you don't drink enough water, it becomes highly concentrated and may have a strong ammonia smell. Foods, vitamins and medications can affect the odor of urine; asparagus and iron tablets often give a strong smell. Blood in urine also gives off a weird smell. And if you have a very rare genetic disorder, your pee might smell like syrup [Maple Syrup Urine Disease]. The smell of urine usually stems from whatever is in the path of your urinary tract.

Stool is made up of undigested food, bacteria, mucus and dead cells. It usually smells bad because of the bacteria and parasites, but it also can have compounds that produce an especially unpleasant smell. If you have blood in your poo, that usually comes with an odor of metal.

Farting is the way the body releases excess gas that builds up within the intestines throughout the day. The gases that are released include oxygen, carbon dioxide, methane and hydrogen sulfide. The gas that contributes the most to the smell is the hydrogen sulfide.

The smell of vomit is that of whatever was eaten along with the smell of bile. Other smells with vomit can be blood which smells like metal.

What is Urine

Pee Range

Urine is a liquid or water waste product that passes through your urinary tract and is expelled from your body through your urethra. For a male, the urine exits the urethra at the tip of the penis, and for a woman, the urine exits the urethra opening located south of the clitoris and north of the vagina (Mayo Clinic, 2014).

Urine is mostly water (about 95% water), however, the rest of the contents of urine can vary depending of what you’ve eaten, drank, breathed or been exposed to. The remainder of urine usually consists of urea, uric acid, ammonia, hormones, dead blood cells, proteins, salts and minerals, and toxins.

The darker the urine means the longer it has stayed in the bladder and/or the inadequate amount of liquid consumed. Shades of green or blue are more than likely to be either from the food we eat or a urinary tract infection.

Red means blood, of course, and sometimes a result of infection, but it is the shade that is concerning. A woman who has recently had sex, a man who recently engaged in anal sex, a female going through menstruation or menopause, a male or female with a hemorrhoids are all benign explanations for red urine. That type of blood is closer to the contact point so the shade would be a bright red. Blood coming from a deeper area would be dark red or brownish. Sometimes the bleeding can come from close contact and from deep down as in the case of taking too much blood thinner; which is why you need to follow up with a doctor for frequent PT [prothrombin time] and INR [International Normalized Ratio] tests. Blood coming from a deeper place or lasting too long should be looked at by a doctor.

What is Feces

Waste matter discharged from the bowels after food has been digested; excrement. They vary significantly in appearance (i.e. size, color, texture), according to the state of the digestive system, diet and general health. Normally human feces are semisolid, with a mucus coating. Small pieces of harder, less moist feces can sometimes be seen impacted on the distal (leading) end. This is a normal occurrence when a prior bowel movement is incomplete, and feces are returned from the rectum to the intestine, where water is absorbed.

In the medical literature, the term "stool" is more commonly used than "feces".

In a typical bowel movement, about 75% of the stool volume is water. The other 25% is a mixture of things, primarily dead and living bacteria, food waste, as well as undigested parts of foods, typically fibrous foods such as seeds, nuts, corn, and beans, and substances contributed by the intestines and liver, such as mucus and bile (a dark green to yellowish-brown fluid). Many things can affect the balance of stool content, including diet, medications, supplements, and the presence of a GI disease, disorder, or infection.

The normal stool (poop, feces) usually is light to dark brown. Although changes in stool color or texture may be normal, most changes should be evaluated.

Poop texture
Click for larger view

The symptoms associated with stool color changes, if any, are the symptoms of the underlying cause of the change, for example, foods, drinks, conditions, or illnesses such as:

Changes in stool color may be due to diarrhea, constipation, bleeding in the intestine; diseases of the intestines, liver, or pancreas, food poison, and medications. Texture is determined by the amount of fluid in the intestines and what was digested.

The treatment for stool color changes is to treat the underlying cause. Most of the time it will resolve itself on its own. The body is a very forgiving system. It will always do its best to compensate for whatever goes wrong. We can help it out by changes in diet, amount of fluids consumed, exercise, and even switching medications when possible; all can help out whatever problems the body gives us.

Poop Color Chart

Green poop Red poop Orange poop White poop Grey poop Dark grey Yellow poop Tan poop Light brown Black poop Dark brown Brown poop